I really don’t want that cheeseburger….

It’s late Wednesday night. It has been a rough week for a couple of different reasons, and a particularly ….not rough day, but an odd day. Odd and expensive. Time to seek the comfort of music……

“And some days I pray for Silence,
And some days I pray for Soul,
Some days I just pray to the God
Of Sex and Drums and Rock ‘N’ Roll.”

Last weekend was mixed weekend. Saturday I had to work in the morning but I spent the afternoon and most of the evening at the home of a my friends in Millington. It was a nice, relaxing day. We watched a couple of movies (and please let me take this opportunity to beg anyone that reads this to NOT rent, buy, or view “A Bridge To Terabithia”, that movie is not what you think it’s going to be), and grilled some steaks. Mostly we just hung out together and talked.
Sunday I slept late, which is my favorite way to spend Sunday morning. I met a couple of friends for lunch, and that’s where I got stupid. I had been in weird mood for several days, and during that lunch I managed to get into a fairly serious argument with one of my friends. One of my best friends. What made the whole incident even worse was that I knew I was in the wrong. It was almost like I had been looking for a fight, and when I couldn’t find one I caused one. Of course I felt like an unmitigated ass as soon as I left the restaurant. It was not a good end to the weekend.
Fortunately my friends are better people than I am, and when I called Gresch the next day to apologize and beg forgiveness he was gracious and forgiving. We talked for a good long time, and the call went better than I had any right to hope it would.
The rest of Monday was fairly uneventful. The time at work passed quickly. At home I didn’t do much but work on a chain and talk with a friend in Little Rock. Oh!, I did get the signed contract from the conference center for this weekend’s fundraising party: The Swamp Combat Seminar and Grilling Symposium. I also got asked to participate in a project that I hope could be very good for Grey Niche but I fear will be somewhat frustrating. I know that sounds cryptic, and for that I apologize, but I just don’t feel like typing out the whole story at this time. Trust me, you will hear more about it later, no matter how it turns out.
Today work again passed quickly and then the day got expensive. I love the fact that I’m in a place where I can pay my bills, but DAMN I hate doing so. Eh, such is life. In addition to paying bills I rather desperately needed to buy some new work clothes, so I spent an hour or so with catalogue and then another 45 minutes or so on the phone with a person that I think actually had a negative IQ trying to place my order.
Shortly after ending that call I was on the phone again. My sister had called, and we had a pleasant conversation. She had basically called to brag about spending the weekend in Gulf Shores, and to make plans for a family vacation in Gulf Shores sometime next spring. It was a good conversation, but during the conversation she mentioned how odd it was to be in Gulf Shores without our Dad. Gulf Shores was his favorite place in the world (as it is mine, hers, and Mom’s). That morphed into a conversation about some of the things that happened during the time of Dad’s illness and the period for about six months or so afterwards. This August will be 14 years since that time, and tonight was the first time she and I had really talked about some of those subjects. Again, it was a good conversation, no drama or anything, but it was also a vaguely uncomfortable conversation. I can’t really explain it better than that. We both admitted some things to each other we never had before. I’m glad we did, but …it was uncomfortable.
I spent the next several hours doing nothing much. I watched some television, and worked on yet another chain. What I’ve been doing mostly is fighting down the urge to go get something to eat. I’m not hungry, I just want to eat. I have an addictive personality, and since I quit drinking all those years ago I’ve used food as my drug…my comfort, my crutch. I eat when I’m feeling bad, or when I’ve got something on my mind, or when I’m bored. Tonight is probably a mix of the last two: I don’t feel bad, but there are several things on my mind, and I’m half bored. So, for the last four or five hours I’ve been resisting the urge to get into my truck and go get something to eat. Specifically I’ve been resisting the urge to go get a Wendy’s Triple Cheeseburger combo. I can lose myself in whatever I’m working on or reading, for a time, and then I’ll think about it again. So far I’ve managed to avoid it. I think I’ll be able to avoid it for the rest of the night, but by gods it’s annoying to be thinking about it so much.

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