Don’t Let These Shakes Go On…

Late Friday night, and I should be in bed because I’ve got a fund raising party to run tomorrow. It is going to be a long, hot day, and I should be sleeping. However, I don’t want to sleep. I’m wide awake. Unfortunately none of the people I usually talk to on line are actually on line this evening, so I turn to two things: the solace of music and the solace of this blog.

I miss Napster. Oh, I know it still exists, but it’s not free any more. I remember, well, the huge collection of music I amassed before the original Napster was forced to shut down due to the RIAA and their sue happy lawyers.  You could find anything, any song you were looking for. No matter how obscure, how strange, someone had it, and you could get it. Trust me, I got a lot of it.
Now, of course, that’s all gone. Oh, Napster still exists, but now you have to pay for the songs. I wouldn’t mind if the money was actually going to the artists, but most of it goes to the record companies. So, now I use ITunes, and as much as it surprises me, I find that I like it almost as much as I liked  Napster. True, I don’t download as much as I used to, but at .99 cents a song, I download a lot. The selection is almost as good, in some ways better than Napster, and I don’t have to worry about being sued, which is of course a good thing.
Music is a funny thing. I tend to listen to music most when there is something on my mind. It helps me relax and get my mind to the place it needs to be to think about whatever is bugging me. I almost never listen to music in my vehicle; when I’m driving around town I tend to listen to news radio and on road trips I listen to audio books.
Last night, I downloaded 33 songs. I obviously have some heavy thinking to do. I’ll get to that, but lets have a bit of a musical interlude…..
A king without a sword – a land without a king –
A truth without a voice – one song left to sing…
One song to sing.
A wise man told me theres something you should know:
The way you judge a man is you look into his soul
And youll soon see everything.
A voice from the past cried, Give peace a chance!
He paid our price now hes free at last; And imagine –
We called him a dreamer.
How many times must good men die?
How many tears will the children cry…
Till we suffer no more sadness?
Stop the madness.
Oh, stop the madness.”

Gotta love Molly Hatchett.

So, what do I have on my mind? I’m dealing with a bit of frustration with my diet.It’s not going nearly as well as I’d like for it to. I am making progress, but it’s slow, slow progress. And I’m having a difficult time changing habits; Specifically I’m having a hard time having a hard time of stopping the habit of eating when I’m bored. I try very seriously to not allow myself to get bored, but that leads to other problems. When and if I ever face the DIvine Being, one of the things that He/SHe/It is going to have to explain is this: If you were going to give some of your creations, like for instance ME, addictive personalities, why couldn’t you see to it that their addictions were positive ones? Why drugs, booze (that would be one of mine) food (another one of mine), and all the other self destructive addictions? I really want to know the answer to that.
Time for another interlude…
” If ashes are ashes and dust is dust,
At our journeys end, then we turn to rust –
To the sands of the shore.
White doves in flight – peace to war –
But, tell me why the peacemakers fall.
Must we bury any more?
The hush of the crowd as the horse rode by –
The black lace veil hid her tears from my eyes…
And we all wept in silence.
How many times must good men die?
How many times will the children cry…
Till they suffer no more sadness?
Oh, stop the madness.
Oh, stop all the madness”

I think I’m also going through a bit of a mild SCA Burnout . I do, truly love this wonderful, magical, slightly maddening organization. I truly do, but at times I think that if I didn’t have commitments through at least the end of next April that I would walk away tomorrow. Honoring my commitments is very important to me, probably because at one time in my life, during the worst of my drunken years,  I didn’t honor any of them.  So, right now I’m committed until the end of April, and I’m going to honor those commitments to the best of my ability. This is a good thing, because I know that this….whatever it is will pass. I know that as soon as I spend a weekend at an event, spend a weekend surrounded by friends, and in a very real way by family (a family of choice, not of blood) that I’ll be recharged and this burnout will go away. I know it will, but until then I just have to “suck it up and tough it out”. Those of you that read this that are active SCA people (I’d guess that would be most of the people that read this blog), I would really appreciate any advice you might be able to give on dealing with temporary burnout. Please, tell me your success stories. Right now, I could use them.
There’s more I could write about, but this is already starting to sound to whiney to me, and that annoys me, so I think I’ll end it here and go get some sleep. I hope you all have a good weekend.

Cormac