Thursday, December 30, 2010

I find myself in an exceptionally odd mood this evening. I got some news today that should have me in a great mood, but for some reason I’m not feeling it. I can’t find enjoyment in any of my regular activities. I logged into my game for the first time in three days and couldn’t maintain an interest for more than 15 minutes. I tried working on the various jewelry projects I have going, and again, I just couldn’t maintain an interest for more than 15 minutes or so. Finally, I tried my old standby, reading, and after another fifteen minutes or so my mind was veering off in several different directions. Even reading on my Kindle (quite possibly the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received) I couldn’t concentrate.

I want to spend. I want to engage in retail therapy. I want to buy that personal wifi hot-spot gadget I’ve been looking at for several months. I want to buy a high quality pocket knife. While I’m at it I want to buy a new computer, ten new pairs of socks, two pairs of sweat pants and two sweatshirts.

Yeah, I want to spend, but right now I don’t feel that I can. Not yet, anyway. You see, all the things I said I want to spend on are things I *want*, but there are some things I need.

For instance I need to reserve the room for next weekend. I also need to buy some new tires for Bertha. In fact I need to make sure that Bertha is not going to go titties up on me again. Gods, I hate temptations.

Perhaps most importantly I need to avoid spending in order to build my sense of fiscal self confidence. I need to build my feelings of responsibility.

Sometimes I truly wish that the things I need to do were the things I want to do.

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