Lets Think About the Positive.

“Lets focus on the positive”.

That phrase has been running through what passes for my mind a lot this week. I have had reason to need to focus on the positive. I am not sure that doing so is helping, but at least I am not allowing myself to drop into negativity. That is, I feel, rather important.

You see, in the last couple of weeks I have hit a plateau; I have not lost any weight since I hit the 60 pound mark. Now, I need to be clear; I have not regained any weight, but I have not lost any more either.I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it would wait a bit.

I have not gone back to any of my old habits; I am still eating clean. I am still motivated. I am still doing all the right things. I just have plateaued. It will pass as long as I stay on track. I KNOW that it will pass. I know it all intellectually. However, knowing something intellectually and knowing something emotionally are very different things.

Emotionally it has gotten more difficult to look at that scale and see no change. So, Monday , when saw yet another day of no weight loss, I decided that instead of thinking about the negative, I would spend some time focusing on the positive. Well, that is what I decided after creatively cussing the scale for about thirty seconds. You would be amazed at how much cussing I can get done in a mere thirty seconds.

So, lets think about the positives. There are actually a lot of positives:
• Despite the current period of no loss, the fact remains that I have lost sixty sodding pounds in just a little of two months. That is a great feeling.
• I feel better physically than I have in years.  I can walk around a SCA event site all day and not hurt at the end of  day (proved that last weekend), and I have been told by people I believe that I do not snore as much as I used to. Oh, and I am sleeping better than I was before I started dieting as well. These are all very positive developments.
• Finally, every day this week I have worn clothes that I was not able to wear six months ago. So, even though there has not been any additional weight loss, there are definite changes in my body. Positive changes.  Changes I can most definitely live with.

 

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Back in the Eighties again.

Hey Folks,

I had a thought that I would start thinking of my diet as a bit of a time machine. Each time I enter a new ten pound range, I’ll picture that as the corresponding decade; any weight in the 90’s (for instance 390-399) will be the nineties. Etc. Etc.  It might not make a lot of sense, but it works for me.

When I made the last post i was still in the 90’s: 390.6. I don’t really remember much of 1990. I know I was living in Little Rock. I know it was an unsettled time in my life. I had just left college. I had moved back in with my family, and it was tough on all of us.

As of today, I’m in the 80’s again: 389.2. Just barely in the eighties, but it is definitely the eighties. I remember even less of 1989 than I do of 1990. During at least half of that year I was in Starkville, the last year I was in College. Well, technically I was in college, but in reality I was in denial. I was in denial about my financial status. I was in denial about how deeply I was in debt. I was hiding from my parents, my creditors, and from myself. It was NOT a good year.

I honestly don’t remember what season of the year it was when I moved to Little Rock. I think it was in the spring. That feels right. The one good thing I remember is that I got a job fairly quickly. Little Rock was the first time I got a job working on the phone: I got a job working for Heritage Publishing, working as telemarketer. I wasn’t real good at it, but I was working. I worked as a telemarketer at one job or another the entire time I lived in Little Rock.

I think I’m going to enjoy this current trip through the late Eighties a lot more.

Sunday Thoughts

Super Bowel Sunday. Hard to believe, but it is true.

This has been a good week diet wise. I’ve managed to stay on purpose all week. I didn’t eat any food from restaurants, nor did I purchase any snacks from the vending machines at work. Most importantly, I didn’t even want to do either of those things.

The most important lesson of the week may have been simply that I can join my friends in social settings with out eating. More importantly, I learned that when I do that, nobody cares. For example when Turlaugh, Jakob and I went out to Perkins after the SCA meeting on Tuesday, neither of them cared that I only ordered water and a diet coke. Also, none of the Dragons gave a damn when I declined to join them for breakfast this morning. My friends understand what I’m trying to do. Not only do they understand it, they are very, very supportive.

The weigh in for the company Biggest Loser Contest on Thursday was particularly enjoyable. Yeah, I said enjoyable. That weigh in showed that I had lost 50 pounds since the start of the competition. I was on vacation Friday so I don’t know if that still leaves me in the lead or not, but it was, truly, an enjoyable experience. I can’t weight until the next one.

The coming week my main focus, other than sticking with the diet plan is to exercise more. I managed to use my pedometer to mark a minimum of 2500 steps a day, but this coming week I’m aiming for 3500, and at least three visits to the gym. It’s time I start using what I’m paying for.

Today’s weigh in: 390.6

 

Yeah, I’m Bragging a Bit….

Yeah, it’s bragging but so what. Deal.

We are having a biggest loser contest at work that started the first Wednesday of January. At that weigh in, the first weigh in, I logged a starting weight for the contest of 441 pounds.

You don’t know how much I hate admitting that, but it’s true.

The next weigh in for the contest was on January 19, 2011. At that weigh in I logged a weight of 407 pounds: a 34 pound loss in two weeks. It was solely due to dieting; to changing the amount of food I eat, the types of food I eat, and by drinking a lot of water. No pills, etc, or anything like that. Yeah, it was a large loss, but you know what? I’m a fat man, and I have a LOT of weight to lose. That kind of loss is not totally unheard of when a very fat person starts to diet. You could say I was pleased. It would be a bit of an understatement, but you could say it.

Today was another scheduled weigh in for the contest. I knew I wouldn’t experience the same high number, but I also knew I would show a loss. I emptied my pockets, took my shoes off, and stepped on the scale. The numbers flickered a bit but eventually stopped. ……

Wait for it…..

391.7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I honestly can’t remember the last time I was under 400 pounds. I just can’t.

For those that are doing the math, let me make it simple for you: 50 pounds.

Let me say that again: 50 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I know those kinds of numbers will not last forever. Yes, I know that I’ve still got a  very long way to go. Yes,   I know all that. I truly know that this is just the beginning of a long process.

You know what else I know? I know I’m excited. I know that I feel better than I have in a very long time. I know that I am eternally grateful for all of the support I have received from my girlfriend, my Mom, Sister, and Brother In Law, and from ALL of my friends and co-workers. I also know that I can’t wait for the next weigh in.

One Month In

So, it’s been what, a week since posted here? Yeah, I think that is about right. It feels right anyway.  It’s hard to believe, but it is already February. The first month of the new year has truly flown by.

I’ve been on this diet now for a month now and  I am, to steal a few words from one of my favorite songs, “I’m alive and feeling fine”.  Based on my previous dieting experience, an experience that stretches back at least 38 years, I am continually amazed  at just how “fine” I feel.  This plan that I’m following, the Eat Clean Diet, has been remarkably easy to follow. I’m not craving any kind of particular food. I don’t get hungry. The plain and simple fact is that I’m not eating as much as the diet, or the plan, allows me to eat. The plan calls for me to eat six small meals a day, and frankly I run out of day before I get all six meals in.

Now, I have to admit that there have been a couple of times when I went “off plan”. The weekend in Jackson, though that wasn’t to bad. The truly spectacular foul up was at the 3 Dragons party last Saturday. Now, I didn’t eat as much at the party as I would have a month and half ago, but I did eat more that single day than I had on any day since I started this project. Just to be clear, the fault was mine; nobody made me eat. I just lost focus for a few hours that afternoon and to a lesser extent at breakfast with the Dragons the next morning. So, that sucked, but the important thing, the thing to focus on is that I got right back on track. I didn’t give up. I did, however, accept the responsibility, and got back on track.

Last night was a bit of a personal breakthrough. After our SCA business meeting Gerald, Jim, and I went out to Perkins. Now, a month and half ago I would have ordered a meal even if I wasn’t particularly hungry. Last night I was hungry, but I didn’t order anything more than a glass of water and a diet coke. I even drank the damn water first. As I type this up it sounds like such a small thing, but for me it was a huge change.

You know, as I think about it, this past month has been the longest I’ve stayed on a diet in over 17 years. I’ve proven to myself I can do it. Now I just have to prove to myself that I can stick with it. My goals for February are to both continue with the same plan, indeed to embrace it even more fully, and to get more actively exercising. I’ve been only half assed in my attempts to exercise so far, but that has to change. It is GOING to change. I’m going to make it so.

Monday Musings

The first day of the new week finds me in a good mood. I’m still making progress on my diet, and I am very pleased by that. I faced another great test this past weekend. I had traveled to Jackson to spend the weekend with my Lady, and that put me completely out of my regular habitat. I knew spending time with Her would be great, and it was, but I was nervous about my ability to stick with the diet away from home.

I am rather proud to say that despite my concerns, or maybe because of my concerns, I did rather well over the weekend. I didn’t over eat at any meal. I didn’t snack. I drank all of my required water each day. I ate the fruit and vegetables each day. To be as blunt as possible, I didn’t fuck up. I’m really proud of that.

As I enter the third week of this project, I find that I’m thinking about more and more. This is a sampling of what I’ve been thinking about:
• I’m still waiting for the water to start to taste good.
• I’m amazed by how easy it has been to get the pasta, breads, and other stuff out my system.
• I’ve got to quit smoking.
•I’ve also got to start making myself exercise: The diet, the changing of the eating habits will do a lot, but it won’t do it all.
• It is really hard to NOT weigh myself every day.
• I am continually amazed by the amount of support I’m receiving. It truly is mind boggling. My Mom and Sister have been a tremendous source of support. My friends also have been nothing but encouraging. My Girlfriend has been tremendously supportive but what has really amazed me is the amount of support I have received from my coworkers.
• All the success in the world on the diet plan is not making me any more eloquent.

 

And in words of Porky Pig….”that’s all folks”.

Diet Musings.

In the last 35 years or so I have tried several different diet plans. Tried them with varying degrees of success. I’ve done everything from counting calories, to consuming nothing but diet drinks of one kind or another, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. etc. I’ve tried most of them. Now each of these diets work for some people, but they never really worked for me.

I think, however, that it was not the fault of the diet, but of the dieter. Of me.  I lacked the discipline to maintain any diet for much more than a week or so. That lack of discipline was caused by many things, but I believe now that the main culprit was that I was not dieting for the right reasons.I was not dieting for myself. Nor was I dieting out of a desire to be healthy.

No, my reasons for dieting were based on desire to impress someone else. A desire to to fit in with the “cool” people at school, or a desire to be “good looking” (as if that could ever be). I believed if I just could get to the same size as others that I would automatically be happy.

It doesn’t work that way. I realize that now. I am actually happier now than I have ever been. For the greatest part, my life is good. I’ve got more friends, good friends, now than I have ever had in my life. I have a better social situation than I’ve had since I was in college, and unlike when I was in college, I’m sober, so I can truly enjoy that social situation.

This time I am dieting just for myself.  no longer really care about impressing anyone. If someone doesn’t like me because I’m fat, I doubt very seriously they would like me if I as normal sized. In fact, since I joined the SCA eight years ago I’ve spent most of my time with people that honestly don’t give a damn what anyone’s size is. That has, been a bit of an eye opener for me.

Nor am I trying to attain anything more than just getting healthy. I know well the dangers of being overweight. With my family history I know those dangers. I want to be healthy, nothing more.
Well, now that I think about it, I realize that is not really true. The desire to be healthy is the over riding reason I’ve started this diet, but there are some other, minor, reasons as well.

For one thing, I really want to not have my ankles hurt after walking around Gulf Wars all day, which I will be doing in just a couple of months. I would also find it really pleasant to be able to buy clothes at some place other  big and tall stores. I think I could really, really, to go into a regular department store and just be able to buy a shirt, or belt, etc.  Yes, there are reasons for this endeavor other than health, but getting healthy is the most important reasons.

I